great time with ya sorry i wasn't one of the three guys you wanted to stay with
Say my name once during sex just to fuck with her. Like when it gets rough.
just watched paranormal activity stoned. laughed the whole time and screamed when they turned on the lights. eating doritos. I love my life
Just passed a Taco Bell Taco Supreme, still in its wrapper, laying in the grass. I'd like a moment of silence.
May it rest in peace.
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
Also, we should really buy some bandaids. Right now I'm using toilet paper and scotch tape, but I don't really think that's sanitary.
Dude, don't put me in a suit and feed me liquor; I'll never go home.
I just put on underwear fresh outta the dryer and it's like tiny Angels are giving them warm supportive hugs all over
It's entirely possible that I'm fucking yet another gay guy
"I licked someones beard, because I can."
I slept on her porch...in her dads handcuffs
I'm upset for all the future generations who can't drunkenly get cheesy bread
He put his number in my phone as Steve handsome
Guy peeing and puking at the same time in the women's restroom? So impressed that I can't be offended
I just want to get high and watch Dr. Pimple Popper.
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