I don't care if he acts like a don't exist 6 days a week. On the 7th day he makes makes my vagina cry. In a good way. Jesus understands.
so this was truly a case of the blacked out leading the blacked out.
He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
Well two things you gotta know if you're gonna live here. your alcohol tolerance is gonna need to go up, and people do blow. Get used to it. Nobody is gonna pressure you into it. That shits expensive
I mean like if I stood up my head might pull me down like an anchor
I can already tell, the amount of fun I'm having right now is not nearly going to compensate for the amount of "let us never speak of this again" I'm gonna have tomorrow
Netflix, eggnog, and bed? Maybe some hand stuff?
It's all fun and games until you have to pay the bar tab.
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
Well, why would you bring gelado into a strip club?
I feel like i'm being yelled at when you type in all caps.Did you just have bad sex?
he said to "slap him" after he guessed the time correctly. i did.
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
Randomize
