Xanax induced break ups are the best. Since I'm a professional fiancee, I'm going to break up with them on Xanax from now on. It didn't hurt one tiiiiiny bit.
just as he was about to cum he started shouting "I THINK I CAN! I THINK I CAN!" over and over again.
dude last night I threw my weed into my back yard. there is now a foot of snow. after an hour I found my weed. if I put that effort into school, i'd have a 4.0.
Puked in my laptop case in the middle of my nutrition class.
Well Im currently dressed up as batman raiding frat houses for booze
It was like good, clean fun, but with bodyshots.
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
Why did I just get a ziplock baggie labeled "2010" on it from you in the mail?
Was I asleep on the ride home?
Yea, then when I tried to hold your head up on a turn, you round house punched me in the face.
I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment
I was just the victim of a drive by judging in a horse and buggy.
The fuck? Where?
St. Mary's. Amish people. Too high for this.
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
Whatever. I have his dick. Haha how many girls can say they have a dildo replica of a guy they were seeing
I need to get some goddam control over my hormones
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