wow. When I'm done with him he's going to have to pop his collar in necessity and not just douchery
i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
IT'S FRIDAY. So quit being a pussy, get out of bed, and come help me drink these 40s. That's not a request.
I found out that they tried to reenact the Snooki drop by using a jump rope and the banister. Pictures say it all.
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
In fairness it was pretty good sex, but I still wasn't expecting the mass cheering and applause he got on leaving my tent
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
Stole a wheelchair from the hospital and rolled down the street smoking and drinking this is my weekend
I woke up in solitary confinement, wheb they moved me the guy that sold me the pill of Molly at the concert was in the police waiting room, we nodded to each other.
When you see a guy in a wheelchair try to be cool and pop a wheelie, and then fall over backward and hit his head, is it funny or sad?
Your vase full of piss was still at his house and he still doesn't know.
You're the reason I lose Never Have I Ever
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
The cop took you back from the hospital and the lady at the front desk said "how are you doing cal?" You said "how do you know my name?" she responded "you're the only person i've ever seen that can throw up in your back pocket." Skills dude.
sexting just seems like too much work right now.
Randomize
