sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
She was lying in bed moaning while eating a Snickers and masturbating.
i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
Found you in the bushes with fireworks, a teacup and no shoes. Decided it was a bad time to wake you.
Just found my shirt from Saturday, got an automatic contact buzz.
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
A picture of a damn cupcake brought back 3 fuckboys
& he told me that I give the best head ever.. like can I get that on a medal?
Do not take the D yet, he needs to be worth it. Your Vagina is GOLD.
Oh and he asked if I would occasionally still blow him if we had children. It was so romantic.
Two questions: is there going to be a bathroom at this party, and can we fuck in it. This will define whether or not I enjoy going to parties with you.
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
Randomize
