White coat. Heels.
It's not a real calculator it's a math calculator
I didnt realize til after I got out of her apartment and into the lobby that we lived in the same building.
The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
Cops said there's a crazy dude with a mask in my neighborhood. Don't get stabbed.
If he was naked that was me.
So it sounded like a midget was barfing IN our walls again this morning ...
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
Nah, just ran around, pinned random men to walls, bit their lips of and booked it.
Is it weird that I noticed my lower half feels strange and then further realized it's bc I'm wearing underwear to bed for the first time in weeks..maybe months?
He's in the same dorm as me. We are sharing a laundry room, gym, and cafeteria. I'VE ALREADY COMMITTED DORMCEST AND MOVE-IN DAY ISN'T UNTILL NEXT WEEK!!!!
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
She did NOT find it funny to come upstairs to find me with the word "MISERY" written on my forehead in magic marker and the label to the vodka bottle replaced with a scrap of paper taped around that says "COMPANY"
I was giving this fat lawyer a table dance and he asked me if I would be willing to play with his long, hard stick of the law. And you want me to stop drinking at work?
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
I collect Covid conspiracy theories like I collect Pokemon.
Randomize
