Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
so the sex was amazing up until the point where she said "wow, you're even better than your dad!"
I learned to sign I want to be on you today
Score
Deaf chicks here I come
He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
I thought adderall would sober me up, but it did NOT.
being serenaded is actually kind of awkward 2/10 do not reccommend
I'm gonna have to get a lube sherpa.
Good luck. While you're suffocating on a dick, I'll be eating pizza rolls. Being a good girl.
He made her leave because she liked Top-Ramen better than Maruchaun. He's my hero.
I kept my extra Molly pill in my wallet in the change part, that's also where I keep my body jewelry while I'm working. The nose ring punctured the pill essentially coating itself in MDMA. My nose ring is back in my nose. This could be entertaining
He has to be employed and covid free. That’s my standard. I can’t be picky. 2020 has killed my sex life.
Randomize
