This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
is it still called a breakup if its your friends boyfriend that you have stopped sleeping with?
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
when he was about to finish he told me to avert my eyes and keep my lady parts away. chivalry isnt dead.
Well besides you comparing him to your dead cat, I'd say it was fine.
ur not supposed to find someone to make out with when ur bf takes u to his SISTERS house to hang out with her and her husband
Probably for the best. My morning wood is pretty horrible. I wouldn't want to tip the earth's axis/ create a new magnetic pole
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
just got a call from a life insurance sellsperson and apparently our xany dealer referenced us. not cool thats breaking the 4th wall
I would wear his ballsack as a hat if he asked me to
I just got CPR certified, don't make me need these skills so soon
Listen all we did was not even pretend we aren’t each other’s type and live together and constantly encourage each other to get laid for 6 months.
Idk how it devolved into us fucking.
Best and worst whiskey dick ever. I am hungover and can't move from the hours of sex, he on the other hand has a raw bruised dick. I win.
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
Randomize
