Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
Let's go to weight watchers and eat in front of them.
I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
please tell me you didn't have sex with him in the bathroom...
Does an alley count?
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
Let's just go topless and paint glitter over our nipples who the fuck cares
You may have graduated college on time, but my 6th year ass gets to see awesome tits every day just for showing up.
No way. Every time you have sex with him you'll end up staring into those eagle eyes and stop mid-orgasm.
So did he inherit the massive family cock?
:(
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
You were definitely drunk. You gave him an otphj in front of everyone.
Her son walked in on us and asked if he could "wrestle too."
Hey can you tell Daniel there's a bottle of Captain Morgan's in the dryer ...
Sorry I think you have the wrong number
Yes it looks like I do
to be fair i didnt know she wanted to sleep with me
WHY THE FUCK ELSE WOULD SHE DRAG A STRAIGT MAN INTO A VICTORIA'S SECRET CHANGEROOM GODDAMMIT
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