I can't open my eyes
Lol why not?
Because I have fat ankles and I'm drunk
My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
he can show you his cooooock\nshining, shimmering, splendiddddd
he said he did everything he could to puke on his nurses because they were doing everything wrong
Thats admirable.
I'm looking forward to the release of my future best seller - "Three Words to Make Your Relationship 100% Better: Surprise Blow Jobs"
I really wanted to suck your dick, but I also didn't want to miss any of the movie
She makes margaritas with lemon-lime 5 hour energy..thats brilliant
and you were wondering how she got into Harvard
Successfully defrauded the county government. What have you done today?
The stripper was super into me until she pulled out my tits then I realized.... This bitch is just using my ass to get MORE TIPS
I AM SMARTER THAN EVERY FUCKBOY WHO HAS EVER SWIPED LEFT ON ME
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
You tried to eat your way through the wall. Like you literally tried to eat drywall and insulation.
I want to get drunk and watch somebody else's tragedy.
Randomize
