I love sluts.
I end my prayers with that every single night.
i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
The sex I just had was not worth missing a girls night out.
Tomorrow night wont work for me. I'm talking with Bryan about marriage and I dont want to have a shroom hangover.
He passed out naked in my bathroom, then took a shower, then passed out again and then took another shower. Last time I let my brother visit.
merry christmas to all and to all I give the mystery rash.
All three shower stalls were filled with couples fucking and then someone yelled "switch" and... We switched
The judge mental looks i am getting while looking at porn on my phone sitting in the urgent care waiting room is gonna get way worse when they find out im here to see if im pregnant
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
Settled one third of the tab. Am going back for sex. Love you, make friends
How do you get kicked out of 3 different Subways in one night..
Not very gracefully, that's how.
Riding your boyfriend's dick for an hour then waitressing for 8 hours. Would not recommend.
I'm watching Netflix with my cats and eating homemade bread. Everyone and everything can go and fuck itself.
You just kinda wondered into the street and started screaming at dogs and small children...
Randomize
