new revelation: five guys for breakfast
new revelation: previous revelation not a good revelation
You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
I can't believe he would be such an ass
Your boobs are way too big for you to be worrying about anything.
It's like....nice talking about real estate but your son gave me herpes
She is banging on the liquor store door begging them to let her come in.
I stuck a note to his door with my gum explaining why i couldn't spend the night. as i was walking away, he opened the door...i fell down and played dead. deffinitly didn't see me.
Her boyfriend caught us fucking and said "cool you're cheating too" and left.
You live a charmed life.
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
in that moment our bushes were one. and in that moment we were pure.
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
His encouragement of my recreational drug use is the backbone of our nonrelationship. That, and rough animal sex and loud music.
we can no longer cook chicken in the house. his name is herbert, we are keeping him and can not eat his people in front of him.
My mom has tinder, she is 45 and has her age setting at 18-29. And she still gets more matches than me
Found Ryan’s keys in the fridge. On my way back.
Also, tell him he missed Nathan passing out in the dryer.
I was asked to be part of a mmf threesome. I think I'd rather stay home, watching Orange is the New Black and cuddle with my cat though
Randomize
