youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
Bad idea pregaming graduation.... she just threw up before walking across the stage... i'm gonna miss this
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
I think i blacked out...but i remember licking your teeth
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
that's the best thing i've ever said to a penis
I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least.
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
So it's safe to say that it's all down hill from here
Do you mean easy livin or downward spiral of alcoholism and disappointment
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
My brother really should've known better than to make me go egg hunting with his daughter when I was entirely too drunk to do so. Threw up in a plant in front of her.
I woke up at 3:30 this morning to pee. Luckily, I didn't have to travel far as I was asleep in my CLOSET on my yoga mat. Good news is I had a pillow...
It's not vacation until I get called "disgustinly sexy" by an fat woman whose older than my mother.
The first thing my Christmas gift money is buying is a dildo.
They say you need two forms of ID, but in reality 1 nice set of tits works every time
Randomize
