Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
Is it too much to ask that he stop calling me 'titty fuck' in public?
I don't think I own any pants that haven't seen his bedroom floor anymore...
Well, I looked over and you and him were each making out with a fireman. And then you switched. And you probably spent an hour like that.
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
Sometimes I actually rage on Tuesday, come back, and do homework drunk and pull an all nighter.
Spotted: shirtless guy wearing cut-off hot shorts, 1 cowboy boot and a sombrero puking in a bush while his friend yelled 'stop being a bitch" from the sidewalk'. Happy 4th of July 'merica!
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms
You put THAT much Jager in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?
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