fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
i just realized i have an entire drawer dedicated to the clothes of guys ive shacked with...
Well I don't think you could recreate that hangover if you tried. It was like the perfect storm of hangovers.
You know you're a nerd when you lose track of how many times you've gotten turned on watching Glee.
so does the 200 for rent and 150 for utilities include the never telling my boyfriend about the guys i bring home.. or is that extra?
He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
Yes, but it's not new to me. It's like every time a new guy finds out I'm a squirter it's a novelty so they make me squirt and squirt and squirt until their bed is completely soaked. And then afterwards they complain that there isn't a dry bit to sleep on. No shit Sherlock.
A big thanks to that bride-to-be, Her fiance and his loaded friends will forever hold a place in my heart for the generous tequila body shots on the couch at Henry's.
Tequila Tuesday.. tonight is the night I defeat the liquor.
I have class at 8:30 and I am not bailing you out of the drunk tank again.
I'm wine drunk & this is not good news for anybody
What's worse having drunken sex with hot married man or breaking the diet one week in?
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
I realized my soar muscles form the shape of me leaning over a toilet
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
In other news there's 12 shirtless Korean dudes all trying to jump on a tiny little trampoline so that's entertaining
Randomize
