Where the fuck is Rob at, he hasnt answered his phone in like 2 weeks.
Dude Rob died 2 weeks ago wtf?
Holy shit r u serious? How?
Just kidding, but im pretty sure he boned your gf and doesnt want to talk to you.
Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
she went to pee and i could hear her singing "Drip Drip Drop LIttle April Showers" from Bambi through the door.
He fucked my earring out of my ear. Of course he's coming over again.
what date should I let him know how fucked up I am?
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
whoooo knowwsss what george of the jungle juice is but i feel like im in the promised land
Roommate is high and swore off off the diet. Said she wants to make everyone else fat since it'd be easier. She spent today baking 3 dozen brownies for the office tomorrow and is already down to 24.
I'm at some strange place in what feels like Mexico, high and getting tacos.
Not good... He ate my chips. Thats not a sex analogy for anything. My actual potato chips... gone. I lost on both ends.
I'm sorry for aggressively singing the Frasier theme song at you so many times last night.
like I licked Molly off a boys palm last night at a bar I think its ok to eat chicken once a week
Just once I'd like to go out and not have to tell you to put your pants back on.
Idk how much of a virgin he is but I'm tryna find out.
Good, I've got all this booze. It's intimidating to be in the room alone with it..
Randomize
