This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
Loo but I'm already drunk TINIGHT! CAPS ATTACK
Hi, I just found this phone under my seat at a brewers game and seeing as you're entered in as 'fillllatio' I figured I'd ask you if you know the illiterate ass who owns this phone. Thanks :)
I'm not sure where but someone shit somewhere in the house
She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
It's like the last supper of drinking before the summer ends
Yeah, sam & jessica were trying to have sex and you walked in & started coaching them through it with a fake hulk hogan mustache on.
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
Dude did I even see you at the bar. Cause I was for sure there then the next second apparently I was crying next to my Christmas tree because nobody believed in me.
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
His dick isn't even good enough to be this much of an asshole
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