Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
I'm home and safer than post-menopausal sex; you're welcome for the image. And yes, I did just use a semi-colon hammered.
I full on slapped a girl with pizza. Like in the face with sauce splattered everywhere and grease with a hard slap to the face.
He's moaning and crying and coughing up something audibly liquid. I can't live in this house any more.
He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
Use "feeling words"
Yay
Body shots with my MILFs MILF!!
All I did was send my mom an ecard
I think if wine wasn't a thing I'd give up on life.
True love: he brought me a margarita while I was n the shower. He's a keeper.
Getting dressed and listening to the song Buffalo Bill danced to in Silence of the Lambs. I'm a perfect psych major.
And then the templeton police were like "oh I remember her, yeah the blue haired girl that we picked up cause she was passed out drunk on the side of the road"
He will be so fat that the winter can not penetrate his blubber.
We got really high and he took a green marker and made my vagina into a Christmas tree.
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