"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
I just saw the dad from "Little People Big World" at the airport. I chased him down and congratulated him for beating the DUI.
What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
It feels like I shit a light bulb that shattered on the way out.
I am now the proud owner of a 10-12 year old's Optimus Prime costume from Walmart. Tomorrow is going to be a good day.
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
dont get mad but guess who just got banned for life from dodger stadium
do you think I can still get an erection if I donate blood today? this is important.
This weekend was suppose to be a 'smoke weed and stare at things' weekend. Not a 'spend all my rent money partying with Europeans till 8 am' weekend
Yeah but those French chicks did get naked
We need to play Chardee MacDennis. Contact me when you have an available date. This is not a question.
You lifted he top layer off his birthday cake and made it say 'eat me' in the cookie monster voice so yeah he knew.
I feel bad for his balls. Ive never seen so much sperm. He had to be dying
They had like literally all the dildos. It looked like a seance for dick. I left the apartment and haven't been back.
so i realized that he's only my physical relationship and beer is my emotional relationship...
My parents heard a lamp fall and crash and the dogs were barking like crazy so my mom got up to check. she found you peeing in a corner by the tv. And you kept shhhing her.
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