I bet the first cavemant to make fire got so much pussy
WTF YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?
Oh yeah that.
i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
Somehow I gave him blood blisters on his dick...I don't know if I'm that good or that bad.
They told me you were taking cheese cube shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce... Is this true?
Does the blue bra belong to your sister or cousin?
Btw. Made out with a random kid at a frat. It's all good though. He invited us to his frat party tomorrow so yay! For having plans!
I WANT MY VAGINA TO POUND AT NICE THINGS.
i don't knpow whats goin on i think theyre sacrificeing me to th tequila gods
But that's fine. Because I am an independent woman who is going to pull some jane Goodall shit and save the world one day......or be a porn star......either way they are going to wish they had fucked me.
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
Hey, I was just wondering why i dont have a shirt on, why im cuddling with a furnace, why im in my own basement, and where my car is.
After drinking all day I popped an adderal, slammed three beers in a row, apparently told the bartender "thanks bitch" then ran on stage.
Randomize
