I'm walking behind a man wearing a womans shirt, heels, mens pants and a baseball hat
i cant remember past the part when we filled his tub with skittles.
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
Home, forcing the cats to make out. Someone should get some.
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
We are not on the "bring me breakfast" level. He's bringing me penis if I ask for breakfast too I'll just sound greedy
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
As I was brushing his cum out of my hair he looks at me and says "it happens to me all the time."
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
Like I cant decide if he's like autistic or something or just seriously cock blocks himself on purpose with this shit
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
I feel like I was playing penis roulette last night nd I landed on the wrong one.
Also what’s the official rule on washing one guy’s jizz off my back before I go out with another guy? That I should?
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
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