shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
I think we should go through the tsa checkpoint with raging hardons when we go through LAX. I think we should pass out some viagra to everyone
I flossed his teeth and then we had sex in the bathroom. It just seemed like a good idea.
Being at this stripclub only reinforces how single I am. And I was *just* becoming okay with that.
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
Running my fingers through my hair is like that scene from Patch Adams where the girl goes swimming in a pool of spaghetti. I love molly.
I need ecstasy. And, before you ask, the answer is yes right now
Uhmmmm is there really any way to tactfully ask "you into me jerking you off with my feet... or nah" cause if you find one let me know 😂
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