I had a dream last night that I was the one that killed Biggie
I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
He's having sex with his gf again. Every thump of his bed against the wall is insulting to our one night stand.
Oh, and trying to figure out who wants to do Molly in a frat is like asking damn children if they want puppies and candy. So just bring as much as possible.
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
Nothing like moscato in your sinuses tobmake your night complete
No, I know her type. Tall, lanky, uses teeth when giving head, and runs like a giraffe. Don't do it man..
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
Don't do shots out of Tostitos scoops.
You don't come back from leaving a bag of shit on someone's counter Jill
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
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