I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
just smoked a blunt while listening to nsync. i now know what my childhood was missing.
Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
All four of us managed to throw up in the same bathroom at different times during the night. I think we'll get along great living together.
at first i was worried but she assured me her frail vegan body would have no chance at conception.
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
When I said to shut up, I meant it. I'm sorry you have a bald spot now, but it was necessary.
Dude. The only thing that I use less than my dick is my tennis racket. We need to play.
He made me cum 4 times, we high fived afterwards and then I proceeded to tell him about this guy I'm dating whilst I made him a bacon sandwich. I think we've finally mastered being friends with benefits.
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
This kid wants me to stop partying. Like I have only known you for 5 days. Chill.
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
he's spending the night tonight. if i can walk straight tomorrow i'll be pissed.
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