I would rather wake up to a truck driver than wake up to her
Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
I'm high, and her 2,100 tagged pictures annoy me even MORE. I wish it had a google searchbar so I could type in "cleavage pics" to get to the point.
He noticed there was ketchup on his shirt and took it off. Noticed there were people there and put it back on. Then he saw the ketchup again. He must have taken his shirt on and off about 6 times
There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
She wants me to spank her and yell "Kerry! Your father is disappointed with your choices!" Fuck up but crazy hot? Or just fuck up crazy?
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
WHY DID YOU INVITE ALEX?!?
Because she offered to bring a keg.
And also because you fucked her in an alley last week and I'm trying to be a good friend.
Can you explain the Transformers set up for battle in my living room?
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
It smells like graded cheese and febreze in the family room what the hell have you been up to???
Dude why is my bed and bedding wrapped in bubble wrap?
Cuz u wanted to insure u had a safe sleep
Randomize
