she looked like the before picture.
you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
we need 14,000 post its to execute this plan
Just to clear things up. I did not walk in on him jacking off to your facebook profile.
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
I have been sober for so long that I miss hangovers... what is happening to this summer?
Hefty paycheck and not get wasted can't exist in the same night
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
Me and a 30 year old man are sitting in my bathtub in swimsuits drinking straight rum from the bottle. Don't tell me how fucked up your Christmas is.
I still have your make up all over the inside of my thighs from the face sitting. Free tonight?
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
All the movies on cable here are either porn or Bollywood. I am never leaving this hotel.
I think someone shaved off all their pubes in the handicap stall or a werewolf stopped by the office to take a crAzy dump!
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
Randomize
