it was like she wanted to be a once a week night stand
I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
if I see one grey pube I'm spitting his penis out!
are any of them hardcore sluts...just absolute worthless human beings? if not the paper wins
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday
No, I am not setting up my roomba to clean up puke.
I know this is really fun but I don't wanna glow anymore
there is something very satisfying about getting tacos after hours of sex.
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
Woke up this morning with girl, I ask her for some gum. She says "there's a guest toothbrush for the boys in my bathroom". I can't decide whats worse, that she has a shack brush or that I actually used it
He asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I told him an orgasm would be nice.
My crotch smells like fire and I can't find my pants
The angle I tried to shoot a load on her face was unfortunate. I accidentally came on the David Bowie tribute she had out. Oddly, that made it more erotic.
So unmotivated today.
Who am I kidding. So unmotivated this decade.
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