We fucked twice, I went to the bathroom to freshen up, and came back to him playing "Your Body is A Wonderland" on his guitar naked in my bed.
what if cement was really a rainbow color they just secretly paint it grey so as not to distract drivers
are you high?
listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
Midgets have it so easy. They have so much less leg area to shave.
It's like the Sean Connery of vaginas. You don't mess with it.
Also, I threw up on the playground again. I've honestly had more fun there this past summer than I did in my entire childhood.
I got a dollar bill stuffed into my bra on two separate occasions by two separate guys simply for having boobs. I feel like somewhere god is patting himself on te back while pointing at me goin "you're welcome dude." easiest two bucks I ever made.
We just got home a lil bit ago. No sorority girls showed except the ugly swimmer chick and she asked if I've ever faked an orgasm.
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
I just forgot I was standing up.
I put purple lights under my bed and asked him if he wanted to fuck in a spaceship.
He stole my heart. I stole his identity.
Maybe if you would fuck your boss you would get string cheese too
Your mom has reinvented the use of a ping pong ball.
The first thing he said was that my underwear smelled like Trix but then he looked up at me and whispered "Silly rabbit, vagina is for me."
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