she was a 2....and a legitimate 2. like, helen keller is a 1, this girl...2.
operation have a gay friend backfired
that would combine my 3 fave things. christmas funfetti and paul simon
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
it's my birthday, i should be around people i want to fuck
I texted him 3 days ago he said he was pre gaming for the Super Bowl today he just text" gtomajg kaka hee 48!!!"
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
I have just found the cubicle of sustenance. And I will rejoice at all the families that have not found this magic. This vodka cubicle of magic.
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
Bruise count after new years, 7. 2018 is looking up.
Just got caught by my boss looking at porn on the work computer & he decided to utilize this time to look with me. Not sure if this is good or bad.
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
Also fucking you night and morning and then serving your parents breakfast is a bit awkward. And funny. To me.
Randomize
