there's a girl in the library on mysapce. she must have missed the memo.
my cabbie only has one arm...this can't be safe
It's kind of sad that your greatest accomplishment today is that you stood up and didn't fall down.
I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
The only thing i was looking forward to on 4th of july was the google logo and they let me down. That and beer, lots and lots of beer
Bring fortys. we have the duct tape. its onnn mothafuckaaaa
I think my body is literally trying to get me to reproduce. "fuck someone! Anyone!" - my body
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
if it doesnt flame it aint got game is a bad drinking motto eyebrow-wise.
eyebrows regrow, your balls dont
This is where you say "Why yes we will drink with reckless abandon and hopefully not be in a church parking lot again."
Finding that toy duck there was weird right?
So I have to borrow my moms car tomorrow to go pick up my ID from the strip club so I can board my plane tomorrow
Oh I'm definitely going to hit on her, there's no question about that. What I meant by playing it cool is I'm not going to mount her on sight.
Remember the time you cried about coconuts
Just woke up to Siri reminding me that i need to kill the giant orange spider in my room, because it's sorcery and witchcraft is sacrilegious. Did you give me LSD again!?!??!
Randomize
