so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
Leaving the dealer's house. He just gave me a sincere hug and said good luck. This cant end well.
its taking every last moral i have not to steal this bike
you still have morals?
Well actually itd just be too hard to ride the bike with this large rake i just stole
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
I woke up to you in just boxers at my door at 7a.m. with you saying how many squrriels you counted on the walk back, then you made me penis shaped pancakes
She just took the bottle of jager to the bathroom and locked the door. Now I hear the water running..if the house floods she's paying for it
I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
ride him like a prized pony all the way to orgasm town.
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
I most definitely just found a video on my phone that I accidentally took... You can't see anything and all you can hear is me talking about how good your water was... And then I fed it to you... And used the word "eloquent" to describe it.
The majority of the reason I want to get my pilot's license is so I can use the argument "FUCK YOU! I'M A PILOT!"
Lets think Pancakes and sausages into existence
BUT I'M ALSO ONLY IN IT FOR SEX AND HE CAN'T EVEN GET THAT PART RIGHT.LIKE LITERALLY ALL HE HAS TO DO IS DICK ME DOWN AND BE A DECENT HUMAN BEING IS THAT SO HARD TO ASK?!
Randomize
