Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2
My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
My weekend will be all about the double d's, desert & debauchery
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
This coke is making my nose hairs dance. That good.
idk man, i just want to be a bad influence for future generations
Surveying the reception hall and I'm fearing the worst possible thing that could ever happen...this might be a dry wedding.
.,.,you might have to leave
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
I impressed him by taking off my panties without removing my pants.
isnt it crazy how for years we were living our owns lives, and now only a wall seperates us?
stop. eating. my. shrooms.
Randomize