He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
I've seriously contemplated telling him the baby isn't his just so I can meet Maury Povich
phil was outside the bar last night, sitting on the ground playing songs on a guitar hero guitar to people walking by for money...best version of free bird ever
HE IS COURTING ME WITH CHINESE FOOD AND IT IS WORKING.
Seriously, dude... You knows its bad when you gag on her nipple.
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
Is it too much to ask that I wake up one morning with out a pic of your dick as my wallpaper??
I just want to fall into a pit of xannies and eat my way out.
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
Yes. That was the exact moment of my conscience clicking into instant high alert.
She swallowed the key to the cuffs, I've been having to explain the pink fuzz all morning.
i warned you not to do dabs 20 minutes before graduation. You never listen
Rain drop, shock top, drinking can't stop stop
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
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