mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
Um, I don't really remember much about the event... and then I woke up on the metro..
There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
I'll be heading downtown with donuts and a lawn chair at 9am to go Halloween Walk o' Shame spotting.
Is there a word for someone who only has sex with NFL prospects?
I'm wearing the jeans from casino night. Tell me why I have a napkin in my pocket that says 'dont fear me'? I'm hoping it was just a coincidence.
My adult sexuality and some of the best memories of my childhood collided like a Pee Wee Herman wet dream.
Elaborate
Strip Mario-Kart
She is the Michael Jordan of blowjobs. Unfortunately, her baby sister is the Michael Jordan of baseball of blowjobs. It does not run in the family.
And then she sprinted three blocks through live traffic towards McDonalds screaming "THE GOLDEN ARCHES ARE CALLING ME"
I decided it might be a good time to stop when he requested I "bring that pussy over here"
we had a full conversation and he only brought up drugs twice. overall I'd call it a success
I walked out ot my car in the morning thinking there was a sandwich I left there from yesterday. Then later that day I was checking the mail and saw the other side of my car :/
It concerns me the most that u were potentially going to eat a day old car sandwich.
...and if you can get the necessary ingredients to make the Buffalo Chicken Melt, I will latch forever at your Teat of Justice.
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
Listen, you eat the donut. I eat you out. Everybody wins.
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