yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
will emailing you the 64 kama sutra positions I want to try during the 3 days your here turn you on or terrify you?
I can't believe I cried over a sausage mcmuffin.
A three fingered guy just showed up with fireworks and bourbon, tonight will be entertaining.
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
I based a lot of our friendship on the fact that I thought you were crying from feeling so sad for me when I got crabs. I'm not sure if we can ever be as close now.
I would bite a mans dick off for a chocolate milk.
do you ever just look around and think about how great it is to have depth perception? Like it's really, really cool when u think about it
Blowing lines in the bathroom and trying to get into the mindset of someone who wants to be at work for 12 hours
i sent him a nude and he responded 6 hours later
what did he say?
"oh m god,,, whow '!!!!nm"
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
Jesus christos I come home and am treated like my vagina is made of gold
Either that or it dispenses candy
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