nut hugger
Getting a high five from your dog when you're stoned is one the greatest rewards of being a pet owner.
I learned nothing from that class except drinking and chemistry go together great.
after we had sex last night he told me he smelled like my vagina. and then he said that if his roommate had a vagina he would probably smell like it. because "they hug weird and shit."
So about class tomorrow..... i,ll be there. But I may be still a bit drink and wearing a suit. I'll explain when I get there.
woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
is it cool if i crash at ur house this weekend again bro
yea dude but i wld bring a sleeping bag or something just in case. or u may just have to shack up with a woman or 2 cuz we hav 10 girls visiting/staying over at my house.
how did u manage to make sleeping with a bunch of girls sound like an inconvenience?
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
Everything smells like vodka and bologna. WHAT DID YOU DO?
This is one of those times I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and punch myself in the face to make me realize what I need to do before it's too late
We don't have any ice, so I'm using the frozen cognac to reduce the swelling on Abby's toe.
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
In theory, it seemed like it would work.
Randomize