she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
Forgot to mention...Pamela Anderson has HPV, so i feel like im in good company
She has a boyfriend. But if he's a decent human being he understands blowjobs don't count as cheating with her. Keeping those miracles to himself is a crime against humanity.
Anderson Cooper just came out.
Crying tears of glitter and rainbows right now. Gonna decorate my dildo like My Little Pony in his honor.
He just told me what he wants for his birthday. "a noise complaint" he also said he wants to be the cause of all the noise but he won't be the one making the noise.
His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
Well, we broke up and instead of putting my shit out on the curb like a normal person, she fucking donated everything to Goodwill. So now I have to pay two dollars for one of my own t shirts.
She's not a foreskin expert like you
nana can keg stand better than me. should i be proud?
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
When a guy invites you to dinner and breakfast the next day it's implied that he's going to make some sweet loving in betwixt correct?
You showed me your butthole that's like a mating call in other species
Im bringing my light up rubber ducky just in case we end up at a rave tonight. HE CHANGES COLOR!
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