Spotted: Pepto Bismol pink Scion with Ed Hardy sticker on front window, air freshener, and seat covers. Total Douchette Mobile.
I just realized that the music from spongebob is also used in real sex HBO.
A 14 year old with a teardrop tattoo just tried to sell me weed. I'm in the wrong fucking neighborhood.
I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?
As long as you don't die I'm in full support of your drinking decisions
he kept doing his monologue, "if a vagina could talk."
I have to fuck proof my bed. It was in the middle of the room this time.
By the way, i got bored and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
Or I could just give you a blow job and make it up to you.
No, that's okay. Don't worry about it.
Going once.....twice.........sold to the girl who didn't really wanna do it anyway.
Buying a pregnancy test at Walmart in the middle of the night in the middle of Tennessee is not really how I imagined my 25th year on this planet starting out...
At Walgreens. I'm getting condoms and a bottle of water so that I'm not "just getting condoms". I don't think I'm fooling anyone though.
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
I'll take care of you. Just let me pee on this old white person's car first.
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
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