perhaps when you are drinking red wine from a tall glass with a straw it is time to call it a night.
just peed in the tub, threw it on Megan.. she threw more back, I got out and threw toilet water on her.. forecast for tomorrow? pink eye.
I'm sorry for throwing the cheese everywhere, but it wasn't my fault. No one was enforcing disipline so not really my fault for not behaving
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
ive cried into many a lonely burritos..
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
I thought we were but then I freaked myself out. So I kind of geared him up for take off and then cancelled the launch
I'm eating tortillas right now. Like not cooked tortillas. Someone is playing the guitar. Man with bandana.
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
It is such a beautiful day to not be arrested
He stood next to me peeing as I was puking behind a car in the parking lot, telling me how much he loved me. On the other hand, he loves me!
I just saw a girl on the phone crying and eating a sandwich. Thats talent right there.
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
Randomize