I cut holes in my blanket and put my arms through it. It's the sleeveless "Bro Edition" Snuggie.
better question... why wasnt i wearing a cape the previous 20 years of my life???
Clearly, I'm already going to hell, so there's no point in trying anymore.
She tased me when I walked in the door. Thought I was trying to steel her weed.
This beer is not sobering me up at all
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
casually drinking alone with your cats. do they like sparks?
Although, I did get to see a Raiders fan and his toothless girlfriend get roughed up by the police and dragged out of the stadium. So the night wasn't a total loss.
Sounds like sex on a twister board.
An idea that is both hilarious and intriguing...
I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend.
Come back. Shots need mouths.
tonight at the bar some people told me that I have a sprit following me around.. that's the kind of shit that you laugh off till you're home alone.
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
Randomize
