this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
i dont want to stoop that low. but my dick does.
and she is using the paper towels as a pillow... but you know what? i've done that too.. so u can really tell we are sisters.
i was just offered a 40 day sex challenge. prepare for the best 40 days of your life.
oh. my. god. yes.
She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
We see some guy emerge from the forest on the island this morning, alone, in only a snuggie. Morning shots and bagels on us for the number one walk of shame.
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
Just bought shock top, Trojans, double shots and baby oil. At 8 am. While the lady in front of me bitched about her expired coupons.
Had a turkey baster with clean pee in it in my pants to pass a drug test, and the bottom fell off, so yeah I'm pretty pissed.
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
Your ability to eat ass like its your job and yet turn down quinoa because it's "gross" is confusing.
We went from him going down on me to swapping baby pictures of our moms.
You didnt text me.. I'm on your street with golf clubs
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