I puked while I was brushing my teeth this morning and had to get a new tbrush
Ew, did you brush them again?
Yeah but i puked on the new one and decided to give up...failure
Do you ever think that bumblebee is the gay transformer?
Every day of my life.
Just watched porn on a 60 inch plasma screen TV... So that's where the clitoris is
How do guys with small dicks who cheat on their girlfriends get girlfriends!?!
He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
She shouted out halfway through "that costume does nothing to hide your cock". Last time we let her drink at the theatre.
Did I send you an asleep facebook message about the upcoming football season titled 'BRILLIANT' at 4:45 this morning?
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
Its not the fact that i woke up wearing a tutu that bugs me its the fact that i have 75 photos of me wearing a tutu on facebook
Bang-toberfest begins!!
IT IS CHRISTMAS EVE AND I AM SUPPOSED TO BE HAVING SEX WITH AN ATTRACTIVE BLACK MAN IN THE NEXT FEW DAYS AND I JUST GOT MY PERIOD. WHEN PEOPLE ASK ME WHY I DON'T BELIEVE IN GOD I WILL TELL THEM OF THIS DAY.
it's like i'm making a family tree of tunnel buddies for my vagina
I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
We've been here for 9 days, so of course I am high at my in-laws' house.
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