Random 1st period thought: do you think she could put "had a threesome" on her resume?
The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
Last day of classes. 1st day attending every class. I'm proud of myself
So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
Woke up this morning with my period. Saw a commercial for the beginning of Shark Week. I see what you did there, Mother Nature. My pad's off to you.
I told him I liked how shrimp feels in my mouth, but I don't actually like eating it. Turned out to be the most awkward way to say that I wanted to suck his dick.
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
So apparently they remodeled our middle school. Looks like we'll need to find a new roof to play beer pong on this summer.
Why is there a cash register on top of my car?
Hillary said in her victory speech "We're gonna come together". I've got a lib-boner.
He just jumped up off the couch, screamed "ITS OVER NINE THOUSAND!" And then attempted to fly out the window like a bird. I don't know nor do I care to know what just happened
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
Randomize