so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
Tonight I think I'm going to go out with a french braid so I don't wake up with puke hair. Thoughts?
And your mom thought you weren't even thinking about your future... she would be proud
You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
You were yelling at the mannequin and saying "DON'T LOOK AT ME"
A party without a piñata is not a party I want to attend.
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
i accidentally gave my stepdad ketamine so id say it was a fun weekend.
I'm sorry I missed your birthday brunch. If it makes you feel any better I woke up wearing someone else's toga and a sombrero
i cant go to his party cause last time i pressed the red buttons on the wall and the fire alarm went off for 40 minutes, i'm not allowed back there
Randomize
