I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
i have one hour to talk myself into enjoying giving him a blow job when i get home
he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
Ever since I discovered that youporn works on blackberry, my brickbreaker skills have gone to shit
you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
tan lines, throwing up everclear on the beach, doing lifeguards, tequila...summer.
just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
So add panera bread to the places i love to eat that i am potentially banned from.
My sheets, bed, and bathroom are covered in blood. She needed 14 stitches after a trip to ER. This is the last white girl I ever hookup with.
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
If you are wondering why there is half eaten pizza in your pocket it's because you were passed out with it in your hand in my bathtub. Today's your b-day and thought I'd give you a good idea about what happened last night as a present
I kinda got drunk and threw my debit card into a bonfire so I don't have any money at the moment lol.
You've discovered your super power: Your Vagina
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker
I made you bacon and gave you a blow job. I'd say you had a pretty great day.
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