Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
So they call this "a walk of shame" but fuck that...this walk is fantastic. What kind of debbie downer came up with that name?
His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
He insisted on sleeping in my bed. Had he taken all of my obvious hints I would have sucked his dick. He only wanted to snuggle. My world has been turned upside down.
Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade
The good news is I managed to avoid the three cop car looking for me. The bad news is I no longer have shoes.
i like feelif swiord YOU ARE A GOD
in other news i'm homewrecking via instagram
I just...no. You make my soul cry. You are giving me karma-cancer. This torture of my majesticness can no longer be tolerated.
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
I just gargled with NyQuil
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
Its like a glacier coming out of my asshole.
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