Hard rock hotel, wtf why am i still out, im gonna fuk 5 chix 2nite .maybe
you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
I woke up to him climbing naked through my bedroom window with a bottle of jd in his hand. Of course I had sex with him.
In my defense it was my birthday and I really wanted to do it.
I would also like to inform you that I can no longer lay on my back because my tailbone is bruised from the nightstand. Good job.
Remind me tomorrow that I was taking shots of burnetts in the subway line while placing my order
The best part about living in a college town is the annual rush of senior girls who want to get in their lesbian experiment before they graduate.
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
Well, after emptying the contents of my stomach into a fucking rose bush, the only things moving through my digestive system are pills, coffee, and my own lip gloss. If that gives you any idea what kind of a day I'm having.
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
I accidentally sent a snap of my puss with the Republican filter... Totally killed his boner
For some reason she gave me a handjob. It was all very confusing
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
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