Courtney? Is that you? I have pictures of this very same night.
Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :(
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
Don't you realize there's more to life than sex and pizza rolls?
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
And know that if I ever text "road head?" that it comes from a place of caring and not a place of heartlessness..
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
you told us the chicken was mocking you, then proceeded to explain that every time someone reads your mind you accidentally think of something sexual
After 25 beers and 3 shots my best friend thought it would be an amazing idea to get his dick pierced. We are on our way.
I texted her mom a picture of us doing it saying "I'm trying to make your daughter just like you!" she was not amused.
Randomize
