4:33 am: Sleep on left side of my bed. T-shirts are second drawer on left side, boxers top right. I don't wake up when lights are on so feel free in my room..
Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
And now I'm afraid that I'm a pornographic eater.
like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
there was a trail of blood coming out of one of the bathroom stalls. thought of you
it was not a walk of shame, it was a ferry ride of shame, and i'm not ashamed, so technically it was just an early morning ferry ride. wearing yesterday's clothing
and semen
he suggested we do it doggy style cuz it was his dead dogs birthday...i had to do it
Only you would have to block the fucking governor of Tennessee from reading your tweets
There were grown college boys running around north campus in capes with nerf guns. If security were to be called I think they would just give them more beer.
was it wrong to tell him he's welcome in my pants any time?
Nope, had to pee on the side got violated by tall grass. Then someone came around the corner and I had to stop mid pee to dive into the car.. Pants down
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
You fist bumped my dick last night saying good game. That you'll be back for the 2nd game...
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
Randomize
