I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
Right before we were going to have sex he said it was his "lucky condom" I don't know if that means its used or what.. But I'm freaking out either way.
you know by doing this we are using dad as a drug mule right?
He is so amazingly handsome. I just wanna fuck every shred of decency out of him.
Do you think if you have sex with a girl twin, her twin brother feels it to? Woke up at her house and they both have a look of disappointment on their faces.
The thing is that despite the high paying career and the increased responsibility, my life hasn't changed that much. Only instead of blacking out on $2 wells at some dive I blackout on top shelf martinis in a suit. Oh and only on Fri & Sat nights. Being 30 doesn't suck as bad as everyone led me to believe.
IF I CAN STICK YOUR DICK IN MY MOUTH, I CAN STICK MY GUM ON YOUR NIGHTSTAND.
You know, I've never slept in a rug with anyone before you
We were suposed to have a 3some in their bathroom but it just turned into us 2 making out while he watched like a little kid on christmas morning
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
Just took plan b with my eggs and chai...homecoming got the best of me already
I appreciate having someone to objectively critique my dick pics.
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
This morning we had sex while he was wearing a full length fur jacket and sunglasses... I wasn't even phased
Quick question. If you break the bathroom sink off the wall from fucking on it, can you claim it on your homeowner's insurance as a 'natural disaster'?
Randomize
