her vagina probably looks like a grenade went off in a deli
You don't give head? I'm offended and I don't even have a cock...
I just saw a man vacuming his front lawn. What is this world coming to?
he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
They're like penises that have been put in a blender.
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
After you vomited on the patrol car, you thanked the officer for helping you up off the ground. I don't think you realized you were being arrested.
I'm not going to pass up the opportunity to be half naked and covered in glitter without facing judgement or legal prosecution. I'll be there.
I'm in too deep with Breaking Bad. I realized I've altered my Tinder likes to people that either look like Jesse or work in a school's Science department.
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
I want you more than I want a burrito.
I'm not as filling.
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog
On a scale of 1 to i should hide, how deep did i dig my grave?
All I could think about was how many vaginas had been on the toliet that I was pukin in
Randomize
