he doesn't care that i have a boyfriend so why should i?
logic in its finest
you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
I got spanked with a cardboard tube. Apparently he used to be a percussionist. Who favored marching band tunes. It was weird.
i'm going to look back at this as the time of my life when i casually dated that autistic guy
You stumbled in the house, mumbled something about a cheese party, grabbed a block of cheese and the whiskey, and left.
drunk. just smoked a spliff with a 19yr old hungarian bike taxi driver and bonded over the difficulties of getting weed in a different country. idk y shit like this isnt in the study abroad info packets
Have you SEEN his girlfriend?? Or talked to her? Christ almighty I'd drink every day just to die let alone black out
Got a traffic ticket on the way home.. Literally cost me $171 to give him a blowjob. I swear the officer could smell the cum in my hair.
I wish you were awake and high the same times I was awake and high. And also in the same state. So we can fuck passionately.
What's his name?? He crossfits 6 times a week, works in finance & is into the occasional felony class drug. His name is irrelevant in order to know if I wanna bone him again.
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
I think all the guys I've fucked in my life would get along perfectly. They'd probably form an orchestra and travel the fucking world. That gives me the slightest feeling of consistency in life which is great.
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
She told me to take deeps breaths and I said I said YOU FUCKING TAKE A BREATH CAROL IM SURE IF YOU WERE IN MY POSITION YOU WOULD HAVE OFFED YOURSELF ALREADY and she said my name is Becky 😂
You left me a really long voicemail saying, "Hey, it's meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee." and then the rest is just loud laughter
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