Dude. I just woke up without a shirt or bra on. Apparently I fell asleep with a quesadilla in my mouth. I can feel my liver hating me.
Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
that sweater is a total boner killer. you might as well be wearing a wedding dress.
For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
There's a pair of socks on the bar. No-one's questioned this.
When I try to close my eyes ibwant to puke. Going to the basement to watch pocohantas. That'll keep myeyes open. And puke free.
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
That was the first time I have seen a confused expression with a dick in the mouth
No, listening to the fray and drinking a bottle of jack daniels does not count as counseling
If I have to go to the hospital, at least put my pants back on. It's been a fantastic night.
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
Brought some lesbians back to the light side of the force
Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
It's Reggie from Taco Bell, send me a pic.
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