She has some nice fakeys. She is also an exotic entrepreneur.
rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
Here's my recipe for happiness. Go get a pen. 1. smoke a bowl 2. put on explosions in the sky 3. take a bath. Do this for about 1 hour or until all your problems go away.
Well, you're either very drunk or very high but I'll let it slide because I love any type of conversation concerning cheese.
I've never had a woman show me her venereal disease results in a bar before.
Two dudes got up on top of the pianos and danced shirtless. They didnt even get kicked out. I love vegas
Soooo how am i supposed to explain to my mom that i was admitted to the hospital but you kidnapped me within 20 minutes?
Yeah, surprised you made it on time this morning. Remarkable, considering 2 hours ago you were pretending to be talking window curtains.
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
I'm dying. The alcohol is viciously exiting my tiny body.
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
Is 28 too old to get fingered in Centennial Park? Asking for a friend.
I just got offered money for pictures of my boobs
I accepted the offer
listen. i haven't sucked a dick in well over three years but i believe in myself.
If it's any consolation she turned out to be has a collection of clown dolls she talks to crazy. And the cops knew why I was calling when she key locked the door from inside.
Randomize
