dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
You should swallow it and be like the ticking crocodile. Only you play Still of the Night.
just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos
it was like my fingers were behind enemy lines
You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
I had no where to run... The dumpster sounded like a good idea at the time
I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
I'm pricing out a roll of that wax butcher paper. We fuck too messy and I can't afford to wash them every afternoon.
you walked in on him eating me out and screamed SHE'LL BREAK YOUR HEART BRO before body slamming on the ground and passing out on the floor
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud.
Campus is too small for this to keep happening
My neck is PURPLE. This is NOT a good day to be indoctrinated by the cardinal...
Someone needs to get Mark off the roof. I told you that he doesn’t shut up about ancient Egypt if you give him henny.
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
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