You should have seen k-money last night. She was just hanging on to the toilet for half the night. By her fourth trip to puke, she started talking to it and was doing the voices for her and it. She kept saying "...we thank you for your continued business..." haha
apparently they wrote a song entitled "butt slut" about her... im thinking shes not girlfriend material.
did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
I just rolled over in bed and felt a bump. Turns out it was a lil nug. Talk about being princess and the weed.
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
someone needs to name a hurricane after you
the moment when you open a dick pic with your mom in the car... On your moms phone... Of your dad... Scarred for life
Just because you are home alone for the weekend doesn't mean you can act like a nudist.
I accept your opinion but respectfully disagree. Also, I'm sitting in your chair.
He's at Disney with 4 kids and I'm drinking wine from the bottle in bed at 2:45pm. Does it sound like we're compatible??
One of my nipples looks nothing like the other...i don't know how this happened
Weird. And pubic lice are now endangered so your hairy balls can rest easy
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
Randomize
