if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
Just saw someone buying TWO six packs of O'Doul's. WHY ??
I just saw him at the bookstore and all I could think about was him licking your ass
He came up there while i was bartending, ate a salad, told me he wanted to divorce me, then tipped me 10 dollars....
Woke up with a migrane, threw up blood, then my headache went away. I'm going to convince myself that it was just a bad batch of blood so I can drink again tonight
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
His lack of social graces and moral fiber complements mine nicely.
Not great. "Leave the toilet seat down, it gives me somewhere to rest my face."
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
I know you're having some issues right now but can we focus on the gangbang?
Dude, Kevin called the cops on the cops.
You'll be pleased to know I just had an elaborate day dream about your penis. you were there too.
Randomize
