Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
just fit an iguana in a condom...have pics
Another night, another sound of my neighbor almost having an orgasm.
And she used to have such long ones. Sad.
idk if you're aware of this...but we could potentially have the greatest hate sex...ever.
You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
Just saw some guy puking out of the dorm window, its for sure monday
i robbed the continental breakfast last night
they would be such cute babies and they would grow up to have huge dicks. and that would make me proud as a mother
Besides the fact that the only male who has shown an interest in me in the last 5 months has a strange and unfortunate resemblance to fucking Frodo, I've been good thanks
She said she was hoping I'd be hotter. I told her I didn't see anybody standing in line to titty fuck her either. She was a great kisser.
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
Upstairs definitely just had sex while I wrote you love poetry. That was a fun experience 🤷🏻♀️
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