I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
took shots out of a medicine cup. i can get used to college.
I am tired of kissing girls with mustaches.
Fun fact of the day the average american will consume 13248 beers in their lifetime.
So for us it's double that?
Precisely.
so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
Where are you and why am I suddenly responsible for your taquitos?
I'm sorry for not being sorry about whatever shit I did to you when you were annoying and I was drunk. That is all.
This juggling 3 dicks is getting exhausting
Before we rave about the healing powers of your penis, remember it nearly killed me as well.
I now have a bottom rung on my kissing scale. Like I can say "Well. On a scale of Matt to Braxton he was probably a Zach." It's the little things.
Using my graduation announcement box as a table to roll a blunt on. I've official stopped giving a shit about senior year
There's a Japanese guy here dressed as a Viking who just screamed "wats up cocksluts" and kicked a guy in the face. come get me out of here.
Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.
Oh and people at work think i got knocked up so my gay roomie is claiming it as his lol
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
Randomize
