Marg and I just meaowed the nat anthem. I was tenor.
'm tripping baaaaaaaaaaaaaaas
it's 4 am, i'm drinkin beer and re-drywalling my bathroom. this could possibly be a bad idea.
tan lines, throwing up everclear on the beach, doing lifeguards, tequila...summer.
a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
When that rick ross song came on he started ripping up dollar bills and pouring out drinks on the floor. I'm all for ignorance but it was a little excessive for a wedding
Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
Besides the flaccid incident, it was decent. Average sized. So this is my life now. Loneliness and lackluster sex.
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
If she wants experimental lesbian sex, i call dibs
I just ate cottage cheese and went to the gym at 6 this morning...the things i'll do because I might get naked in front of a new boy
Snow days are when you really appreciate that your neighbor is on your bang roster.
So I missed the eclipse because I was masturbating.
The girls said some drunk guy in footie pajamas was asking for me when they opened the doors. I thought we agreed you were gonna stay home and microwave me some bacon.
There's a pregnant girl taking shots of apple juice
Randomize
