After I talked about my ex for about twenty minutes, she just listened, sluts are so understanding
any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
I spent an hour trying to convert bar outfits to church outfits. Its hard.
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
You know how girls with huge tits have back problems? Do you get knee problems or something?
How dare you. Idk what you called me, and neither does google translate, but you better take it back.
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
The strip club incident sums up our friendship pretty well
I was walking around the party holding a dog on my shoulder like it was a parrot
WHY IS FOOD SO DELICIOUS
BECAUSE SCIENCE
I hat to flip my "days since last bad decision" chart back to zero. So...yeah. Sigh.
I'm just wondering how Jon managed to get vomit ON THE CEILING?
Please tell me you did not shit your Disney princess costume.
It's hard not to feel like a terrible person with bruises on your tits.
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
Randomize
