Imagine two people making love on top of a unicorn . . . my life is the opposite of that.
Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
I looked her in the eye and told her I was 'balls deep' in love with her...She said that wasn't saying much. Time to drink away the sadness...
i should have probably stopped drinking when my beer pong shots were hitting the other team in the face..
yeah thats usually a good indication.
I know for sure he's a bro because he closed the door so my gf didn't see me hooking up with her cousin.
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde.
the bar didnt serve shots so jim ordered us jaeger neat. it worked.
HE GAVE ME ONE OF HIS BEERS.
YOU'RE THE CHOSEN ONE.
wearing the bible to the ABC party, thought you'd appreciate that.
Our motto for the night: BLACK OUT OR BACK OUT.
That's our motto every night.
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
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