I play with my boobs when I'm bored. I playwith my nipples whe I'm drunk
I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
Judging by his buldge, this guy is huge. just paid steve to follow him into the bathroom and find out. They had a convo about it.
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
Kurt said to text you and encourage you to come out tonight. Encourage you with my rack.
Dont really know what happened near the end, Pockets were filled with skittles though
I'd apply for another job, but "staring out windows crying" is not a hot qualification right now.
I should become her mentor. Get her life back together for her
You mean sponsor?
He facetimed with his son when he was still inside of me. If that's not a dedicated dad I don't know what is
Isn't it funny how we're still best friends after that incident with the old lady in the bathroom
You fucking bailed on me. But I love you still
Can I use your boat
Also, what’s the deal with international water? Do they have signs out there like a city does or do I need a map?
WTH is going on? It’s the middle of the night
Randomize
