***** fucked a guy with one hand last night
Just mADE A PArabola og urine
Let's just say he looked at my vagina like it was a rubics cube.
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
And for some reason I just want to have sex with EVERYTHING
PROFESSOR JUST TOOK A SHOT WITH US BEFORE CLASS. WELCOME TO THE LAST DAY OF FINALS.
We were coming but I found wine on my way out the door.
Just read 119 best sex positions. I wanna try 107 of them. Can I put you down for 50?
Any residual attraction has just been ruthlessly murdered by that mustache.
Why am I sticky / covered in baby Tylonel?
My inner pteradactyl is also confused.
Tomorrow's Mother's Day and the only thing I can afford is beer and the McDonalds dollar menu. Do you think a Budweiser and a Big Mac says thank you for me fucking up your life since 1990?
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
Randomize
