It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
It was then that he suggested we all nibble ears. A nibble circle.
It's like she bought one bad life decision and got one free
We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
A guy with the name Pootie Tang winked st me and a guy that doesn't speak English messaged me. These are my choices?
Watching the wiggles while tripping on acid is the scariest fucking thing of all time
You told me that you were mad me because I wouldn't let you 'explore my castle'. Then you said I smelled like a hospital and passed out.
Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
Randomize
