he's the Salvador Dali of pubic shaving
that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
been home a week and haven't blacked out yet. i miss college
The doctor said 'youre the 2nd youngest person that ive seen with this condition. Thats probably not the silver medal you were looking for today.'
How are YOU going to look? Buying 40's on Christmas eve.
I never thought I'd say this but my vagina is taking a serious break for awhile
there is a guy passed out on top of me and i don't know what to do. help if you're awake? was anyone anyone expecting someone? maybe he found the wrong room?
As soon as he came we went to Dairy Queen. That drive through lady was very condescending about our "just fucked" ice cream.
... Cuz there's nothing like having your two male roommates catching you have a good cry in the driveway at 9am on a Wednesday.
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
He literally just peed in a trash can in our room. It didn't even have a bag in it
Pretty sure the guy at the Halloween party dressed as an ice cream man is working his way through the building without a care for gender or age. He high-fives me on his way out each morning.
Celebrated Veteran's Day by getting a Marine (who just got back from deployment in the middle east) drunk and laid for the first time in 6 months. #Murica
Your friend was nice but you didn't have to bang her in my kitchen...just sayin.
ps why does my dog smell like popcorn and a dryer sheet..?
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