i said send nudes i get bra and panties. thats not what i fucking asked for.
Spaghetti and Car Bombs, good idea or what will end up on the bar in a few minutes?
he had to fake a sneeze attack to hide the fact he came in 15 seconds?!
so its atleast an 8 for creativity.
The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
He confessed to putting dry erase marker dots on my vibrator to keep track of when I "electronically cheated" and then passed out.
At what point did we decide It was a good idea t have a wheelbarrow race in the parking lot?
You may have graduated college on time, but my 6th year ass gets to see awesome tits every day just for showing up.
Shit stained towel. The very symbol of how much closer we are as friends. Fall 011... beautiful disaster
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
I never notice how majestic and beautiful my cat is unless I'm blazed
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
She was two things I dont understand: tall and Christian
I'm eating a subway sandwich in the bathtub because I don't want to move. God bless boys from Brooklyn
You left your pants here again. 4th time in a row. How can you walk home without pants?
Apparently his ex was into edging and did it to him so much that it takes forever for him to cum
I hate you and your multiple orgasm sexcapades
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