Shit chicky whatchu wearin rt now, ur skins?
Oh dear, kinda... in ur sweats!
U look good, r we getting naked in ur car?
she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
there should be laws that require people like to me to be on birth control.
I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
Right, well, that begs the question of where did you get the whip, why are you using it, and why don't you carry one around more often?
and it seems i've caught your masturbating bug. thanks.
Sorry about all of the penis things that happened last night.
He initiated the conversation by sending me a picture of his penis at 4 am
Well I met my booty call's parents by accident, so that happened.
your life is going to be an empowering working mom montage tomorrow to Katy P's ROAR... --are you living in a yoplaít comercial?
Check snapchat. Selfie game still on point mid vomit.
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
i'm sitting in my room 'bout to smoke a bowl. also, i found out that you don't need a permit to own a tiger in wisconsin, so we're buying one when we move in together.
Your penis caused this!
The gift for sixth anniversary is steel. He bought me handcuffs. Inee I married the right man!
Randomize
