When he came he kept saying "oh god oh god" and he sounded just like his dad. awkward...
he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
Would it be cruel if i sold xanax instead of adderall to freshman unfamiliar to the drug-taking profession?
Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
Calling yourself a modern day Geisha doesn't justify being a whore.
you woke me up at 7 am banging on my wall.. what the hell
thats the international knock for joint time
did mom hear me barking???
oooooh yeah. good luck explaining that one
sooo high. sooo many dog friends
THE BIG GAY MAD HATTER IS HERE AND HE HAS DRUGS IN HIS PANTS FOR YOU. COME DOWNSTAIRS BITCHEZZZZ
Actually, what with the curvature of the Earth, it's faster to leave from Washington. And Google maps recommends kayaking instead of swimming.
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
legit question. can i put a condom down our garbage disposal? my rents are coming over in 20
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
At least be KIND OF sobering up before you text me, I've told you before I don't speak vodka unless I've been drinking it with you.
PS WHY wasn't I drinking it with you? Dick.
He turned on read receipts specifically so i'd know he was ignoring me.
Randomize
