I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
I want to drop kick Stephanie Meyer
you spelled her name wrong
not you too!!
everyday i am more and more thankful i can still check the no box for "have you ever been convicted of a felony?" on applications
he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
My financial aid advisors would be so pissed if they knew I was spending my loan money on strippers
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
Just did lines off your face, congrats on getting in the magazine bro
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
My hair is short now so it will be easier to give you alot more blow jobs
I'm going to take this text and frame it on my mantle
I was walking around the party holding a dog on my shoulder like it was a parrot
You just get me....like our souls are boning in the spirit world
What happened last night and why am I partially covered in queso?
IF THE SUNS NOT EVEN OUT THEN WHY IS HIS DICK OUT WTF
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