i just wish he would text me so i could ignore his text and show him how little i care anymore
I guess she didn't feel like it. There was hair all over it and everything
If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
So i think we're being coned into a threesome with the promise of pokemon
Dude she let me cum on her face
You have the wrong number I'm the she who let you cum on her face unless some other girl has let you since this morning
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
We sold so many girl scout cookies when we were little. What went wrong?
i woke up and the dog was eating spaghetti off my chest.
Wish i knew who the f is sending me pics of asian newborns.
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
Your anal douche was on bathroom counter. Now it's in dumpster. Not ok. I am mad. Very mad.
He came in two seconds and stole my pizza so I'm not counting it.
its not everyday you see batman on the ground with someone riverdancing on his face bourbon street never disappoints
Randomize
