At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
I figured he was gay when I walked in on him working out to Flirty Girl Fitness.
For future references, orgasms clear sinuses.
Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
Just reduced mom to tears when she realized I wasn't kidding about hating kids. She's crying about never being a gma. Now would be the time to tell her about the girl you knocked up. You're welcome.
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
i hope youre ready for a shit show because we just ordered a whole pitcher of red headed sluts
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
I hope your face alive. Lemme know if you are breathing in the morning. If not. Whoever is reading this tell me when the funeral for this awesome mother fucker is and we will rage at that event. Kthanksbye
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
Will you fuck me while I eat my burrito though? I'm kind of hungry.
I just jerked him off with one hand while holding my wine glass with the other and watching Congo. I feel like this was a preview to my married life...
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
They had an Olympic theme party at her work yesterday. She brought home her fake gold medal and hung it on my cock after she rode me.
Did a 4 pm walk of GLORY the next day.
Randomize
