why is it that everyone in pennsylvannia gets fucking prego??
What can i say im a girl who smells like weiners.
I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
I hooked up with a 20 year old last night. I feel like a hocus pocus witch that sucked life from a child.
Because Kyle had a tattoo kit at his house and I wanted one and all he could draw was a mustache or a stickman on fire
Got to the gym, getting changed, found a jello shot in my shoes.
My parents just told me that if I stop drinking I could do something great with my life...
They obliviously haven't seen you dance on top of a pool table then
He specifically said I couldn't post the picture of him passed out naked except for a strategically placed washcloth. Where's the fun in that?
YOU'RE MARRIED. TO OTHER PEOPLE.
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
I still don't know his name but his ass is spectacular. Like he should never wear pants.
MY TITS ARE PERFECTLY CALM.
Listen all we did was not even pretend we aren’t each other’s type and live together and constantly encourage each other to get laid for 6 months.
Idk how it devolved into us fucking.
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
Randomize
