I have show me your genitals stuck in my head. Except in spanish. Muestrame tus genitals. Tus genitals.
I just saw a hobo ride by on a unicycle. Good day.
this episode of spongebob makes me wish crabby patties were real
i'd date him for the sole reason that he thanks me after giving him head
My gym is having a pizza and beer party. God im starting to love this place.
Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
Me and my vagina aren't speaking at the moment.
did mom hear me barking???
oooooh yeah. good luck explaining that one
sooo high. sooo many dog friends
Just remembered when I bought that round of shots I told the girls to "get their whore friend" who was making out with her bf instead of drinking. I don't know why they stayed.
Our sex bag has now been upgraded to sex luggage, with wheels, and now features a first aid kit. Game. On.
I thought she was being abused so tried to go in at the sympathy angle, but the bruises were from pole dancing. I went in at all angles.
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
There should be a guide book that probation officers hand out on "how to tell a tinder girl about your ankle monitor before she notices it at the worst possible moment"
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