...so i touched it.
I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
He bought me a oreo ice cream cake with "thanks for not calling the cops!" written in icing. If that doesn't sum up winter break, I don't know what does.
DONT EVER DUNK OREOS INTO WINE . NEVER
Haha yeah my head's fine..sorry about the dent in your fridge.
Oh yeah I remember when I first saw Kyler's balls. If there's anything high school swim prepared me for, it's the amount of testicles I would see here
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
FUCK. EVERYONE MAKE MY CONTACT NAME DADDY ISSUES
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
FUCK YOU IM DRINKING WINE FROM A BOX
You okay there or need a ride? Maybe a straw for your box
Maybe a straw...
I love that we can live in a world where I can Google "Harry Potter lizard" and an illustration for my dream pops up
Just got up.... With the club stamp on my ass.... How did it got there????
I've literally slept one hour I'm honestly just surprised you can insult me this early
Randomize
