I heard we made out
You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
WHAT KIND OF DUMPSTER DOESNT HAVE PIZZA IN IT?
All I wanted was a hug. You dirty, dirty whore.
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
I'm just gonna get real fat and join the circus.
Well just watched a guy puke in a trash can then proceed to pick pizza outta said trash can and eat it
Just saw a man downtown with a cat just riding on his shoulder like a furry parrot. He may be homeless, but I think he's your soul mate.
You don't understand. On her lunch break she sits on the roof, stares into the sky, and chain smokes. I can't get on her level. She is made up of java monsters with whiskey and a voice that sounds like sex.
You need to stop crushing on your boss or fuck her.
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
We havent had power for three days. What else is there to do besides drink and fuck? I thought that was obvious.
I found my parents stash of sex toys. You know my green one? My mom has it...in purple. I HAVE THE SAME VIBRATOR AS MY MOTHER
Only you would make Mario Party a contact sport.
And you owe me a new pair of switch controllers.
Randomize
