the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
Stripper with the black hair and lip rings is still asleep. Found out she wasn't lying when she said she was a squirter, it was like splash mountain.
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
Smoked all day yesterday and even more today. Just survived high dinner with mom and sister. Thought I might eat the whole table
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
WE SHOULD MAKE A WORKOUT ROUTINE CALLED BARCARDIO
I mean I want to go somewhere. I just don't want to put on pants or behave.
So after taking my shirt off, he pulls my bra off like a hockey jersey. FUCKIN PRO. Guy knew what he wanted.
Talk about having your cake and eating it he has basically demolished the whole fucking bakery
I'm listening to Michael Jackson while drinking vodka, alone. Honestly, l wish I could Moonwalk my way back to when I knew wtf was going on in my life.
When I came out of the bathroom you were naked dead asleep on the couch but your dick was still rock hard standing straight up. I almost took a pic. It was impressive.
So unmotivated today.
Who am I kidding. So unmotivated this decade.
Little girl was fucking around on the train and completely ran her head into a pole. Totally burst out laughing as she cried. Her mom was not amused. I don't think I should be a Mom. EVER.
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