spending the week with her family was quite possibly the longest ive ever gone without having a boner
Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
My glasses smell like tequila. I just put them on and almost threw up.
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
Pre-drinking/conditioning my liver for this impending hurricane party associated with cat. 2 hurricane Irene. Be ready to roll in a weather channel minute.
Even jesus won't love me after tonight. I'm going hard.
i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
She said we could only have sex if she got to keep her fake moustache on during
Just from watching vine I come to conclusion that all pornstars are dog hoarders.
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
I shaved my pussy for you. If you complain about a single hair that I missed again, you will be greeted by a bush the next time you go down on me and i will MAKE YOU KEEP GOING
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
We stood outside the room listening to them have sex and making meow noises
That's not right, is it?
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