where does the pee come out of this thing
nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
she just walked in and said "well, I got peed on again"...
I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock."
judging from the lines on my body they wheeled me back in a shopping cart
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
ok. can u leave the new roommate a list of instructions for me? like what i need to be fed and when i need to be exercised?
Corn dogs constantly. And all.the time
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
I think you have the right to know, the water bottle you drank out of the other night is the bottle we use to catch what drips from the toilet. Love you!
also, the amount of semen in my carpet right now is unforgivable...
I think my greatest accomplishment today was probably using a bottle opener to get the cap off my fourth drink while holding the cat WITHOUT dropping him.
Oh god, what has my life become?
If I'm going to keep blacking out this much I need to start taking more pictures.
I would fuck him just for his dog
HE LIVES IN ANOTHER STATE
actually scratch that last text, he's the perfect boyfriend. He stays faithful and doesnt find out about all the guys here. it's a win-win
I'm not going to tell you how to live your life, which includes naming your schlong
Randomize
