You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
her vagina probably looks like a grenade went off in a deli
im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
She told me I had to leave by four. We fucked until six thirty and we are the champions played on the way home. Yeah god knew
Made a visit to my old puking stall. I missed it.
We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
I can't tell which way is up. Too many corners around his house too. An arbitary assimilation of edges.
Christ, I swear you are the high man's Dr. Seuss.
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
I told my manager that I would be coming in to work either high from edibles on purpose or tripping on acid by accident so he knows to check my work tomorrow.
There's only two more days left to say you saw me naked this year.....I'll bring the booze, you got all of next year to rationalize why.
That awkward moment when you realize that last night you walked from in n out to petco, bought a mouse for $3, named it mogar, taught it how to skateboard on a techdeck, made it a home out of a trash can, fed it fruity pebbles and cheese, and then forgot where you left it.
Slept in and having coffee. No sounds of whipping and no veiny dildos next to me. This is good. How's your mornin?
Randomize
